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The Protagonist Speaks

Interviews with the protagonists of your favourite books

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Time Travel

Fitzsimmons Noakes (of Amster Damned, by Nils Nisse Visser)

Dear readers, tonight with me is Fitzsimmons Noakes, the modest captain of the airship ‘The Centennial Kestrel’, the fastest Channel-Runner in business I am told. 

We were actually hoping to interview Miss Alice Kittyhawk about her adventures, but she  had pressing obligations in London and sent Captain Noakes in her stead.

Captain Noakes has a peculiar way of speaking which might sound a bit odd to modern ears, and we suspect that this particular interview is NSFW. You have been warned.

No offense, but I was expecting one Miss Alice Kittyhawk… erm… Mister…?

Cap’n Fitzsimmons Noakes, at your service. Alice asked  me to come, said I’d be better at it cause I never shut me sauce-box. Damfino why,  I am more quiet than a nun what took vows of silence, ‘onest Guv, you’ll find me jaws are locked tighter than the creamy thighs of a……

Yes, quite, so you can tell us something about Miss Kittyhawk? How long have you known her?

Since she was a nipper, used to perch on me knee and I’d sing her a ditty or two, didn’t I? Not that dull patriotic rubbish, mind you, proper songs like ‘Ere’s to the Grog and Lily White Thighs. I’ve ‘eard Alice whistling the tunes aboard the Kestrel, proud as a peacock I were, to know I been such a good influence.

By the light of a candle I happened to spy
A pretty young couple together did lie
Said Nelly to John if you’ll pull up my smock
You’ll find a young hen full as good as your…..

I get the gist of the song, thank you. Was this in the village of Rottingdean?

Yarr, Rottingdean in Sussex. I were crewing for Alice’s old man, you see, on The Salty Mew, the fizziest aerocraft on the south coast at the time. ‘Er dad were John ‘Awkeye, you must ‘ave ‘eard of ‘im? Course you ‘ave, everybody ‘as!! Cap’n ‘Awkeye being famous in…..erm…..the business of logistics. Continue reading “Fitzsimmons Noakes (of Amster Damned, by Nils Nisse Visser)” →

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Jessica Sweet (of Sweet Vengeance by Aliya DalRae)

sweet-vengeance-aliya-dalraeDear readers, tonight with us is an orphan, who had some disturbing visions.

At 26, the term may not truly apply, but having been abandoned by her birth parents at an early age, the death of her adoptive parents is like déjà vu all over again. Now she finds herself alone, facing a future that should be unsure; however, the visions she’s been plagued with since childhood are about to descend upon her, pulling her into a supernatural world where her deepest fantasies and most harrowing nightmares will soon come true.

She is here to tell us of the supernatural things she has seen.

 

What was it like growing up in Fallen Cross, Ohio?

First of all, Hey everybody!

So, Fallen Cross is your typical farming community, a tight knit town where everybody knows everybody’s business. How I was ever able to keep my visions a secret is beyond me, and we won’t even talk about the BIG secret lurking around our little burg. Fallen Cross is just outside of Dayton, which is where I was actually born. But circumstances being what they were, what with my real dad taking off and my mom going batpoop crazy, I ended up being adopted by the Sweets and my life was great. Well, until both of them up and died, that is. Dad was killed in a freak crop dusting accident, and Mom followed within the year. I think she died of a broken heart, but you know how that goes. In spite of everything, Fallen Cross is a town that looks out for its own, and I feel really lucky to be a part of it.

Wow, that’s quite a lot of loss for one so young. But surely you had some nice memories from your childhood. A favorite moment or a toy you enjoyed?

I was about six when the Sweets brought me home, so it took some time to adjust after being in the system awhile, never sure if they were going to give me back. But it didn’t take long to get over that.

Some of my favorite memories are of my parents working in the garden and orchard. My dad had a super green thumb and was famous for his produce. People would come from four counties over just to get a bushel of his red delicious apples, or a basket of heirloom tomatoes. Mom helped out when he needed it, but she was happier when they were in her shop, Almost New Again, refinishing antiques and furniture. Whatever they did, though, they did it together, and they did it with love. Nothing was a chore to the two of them, the hardest jobs just another fun challenge that they faced together. I admired them a lot and hope that I will have a forever love like they did.

As far as a favorite toy? Maybe the riding lawnmower? That probably sounds crazy, but we have a lot of acreage here, including the landing strip Dad used for his crop dusting plane, so there was a lot of grass to mow. Being out there on my own, driving around in all that grass? It was peaceful, and I don’t remember ever having a vision while I was mowing. Continue reading “Jessica Sweet (of Sweet Vengeance by Aliya DalRae)” →

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JoJo Smith (of The Adventures of JoJo Smith by Tony Duxbury)

The Adventures of JoJo SmithDear readers, tonight on the guest couch with me is someone who almost didn’t make it on time. JoJo Smith had an unplanned time travelling adventure, and is here to tell us all about the middle ages.

 

 

How did it feel to be transported through time?

It felt bloody terrifying. One moment I’m minding my own business, trying to get a lift home and next I’m on a different world. How would you feel? I was scared ****less. Lost doesn’t begin to describe it. The two jokers standing near weren’t at all reassuring either. I kept praying that it was all just a vivid dream, but unfortunately, it wasn’t.

What did you think of Medieval food?

To be honest, I can’t be considered a gourmet. As long as it’s hot and plentiful I’m usually satisfied. In Farrowmarsh they seemed to be big meat eaters and as I’m the same, I can’t say I was disappointed. I didn’t inquire where the meat came from, I just got stuck in every mealtime. I was more worried about hygiene than anything else. Luckily, even the lowest eating places served up clean food. Or maybe, I was just lucky? Many times I thought I was playing Russian roulette with salmonella, but you got to eat, don’t you? Anyway, I didn’t even get the shits. Imagine having the runs in a place without toilet paper! Continue reading “JoJo Smith (of The Adventures of JoJo Smith by Tony Duxbury)” →

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