Dear readers, tonight on the interview couch is a young man who had recently discovered some dark secrets in his family history. He is here to tell us about his personal journey in learning to deal with who he really is.
When did you first realise that you and your family are different from other people?
I guess I always knew we were different. My parents had – well, I thought they had – porphyria cutanea tarda. That’s PCT for short. It’s a disease that makes people super sensitive to sunlight, so we had to have heavy black curtains on all the windows and they only left the house at night. I grew up with nannies; I spent years explaining that to people… turns out it was all BS. I felt pretty stupid when I found out. Could we talk about something else?
How does being a vampire affect your life at school? Can you participate in sports? Does it give you special advantages?
I’m taking a sabbatical right now. My mom thought it would be best to pull me out of school until things get a little more stable and a little less… I don’t know, murderey? Is that a word? So I live underground, surrounded by soldiers and werewolves and other vampires. Which sucks, because I could pretty much mop the floor with a human linebacker right now. I can memorize stuff I hear once. And there’s the glamour. To a human girl, I look like a cross between Justin Bieber and Ricky Martin before he came out of the closet, and I smell like chocolate. No joke. All pretty much useless right now. On the plus side, even if I go back in 20 years, I’ll probably look pretty close to what I look like now.
Which was the scariest point in your adventures?
When my mom walked out on me. Seriously. I could handle the monsters, the beatings… even when that lich got loose, it wasn’t so bad, but coming home and your mom is just gone? That ******* took my breath away. Sorry, I try not to curse. Can you edit that out?
What is the best thing about being a vampire?
Did I mention the glamour? Just kidding, but it is awesome though. I guess it would be the mental powers. I can actually hear you thinking right now. No, really I can. The number 4. A giraffe. Anyway, I managed to disarm two trained hunters once. My girlfriend, Eve? She can make people pass out by looking at them, or drive them around like puppets. It’s pretty sweet. I’m more of a defensive type, so I can block other vampires from getting into my head with what we call a barrier. Eve’s better at that too, but she’s been at it longer. I’ll catch up.
What is your favourite music to listen to?
Nice! Umm… I listen to a pretty wide mix of EDM, from Vocal Trance to Dream and Techno, but I’m not against other styles. It’s all about how it makes me feel, you know? Like, I can listen to Robert Miles and it brings me back to when I first heard him, when things were less complicated. Or once, I heard “How It Ends” by Devotchka in a Gears of War 2 trailer; I must have listened to that song over and over for a week straight; it drove my girlfriend crazy. That’s my human girlfriend, Amelia. We’re not together any more.
What do you plan to do after graduation?
Man, I didn’t want to think about that when I thought I was human, and I really don’t want to now. I’m a bad ass secret enforcer for a supernatural agency. I get a paycheck, probably a gun at some point… I’m not sure graduation’s in the cards. I mean, I want to learn and stuff; I’m not stupid. Maybe I’ll hire a tutor and take the GRE instead. It’s not like there’s any hurry, because either we’re all going to be dead by the end of the year or I’ve got a really long time to think about it.
Anyway, thanks for the interview man, I have to go, Eve’s plane lands tonight and I haven’t seen her in a week. Just remember this goes to supernaturals only, okay? If you leak this to humans, the Agency will come and wipe your memory or burn your house down with you in it. Just kidding, I think. I’m not sure what we’d do, but it wouldn’t be good.
D. J. Bodden is a writer and veteran Marine Corps pilot, currently working out of Geneva, Switzerland. He read grown-up books at an inappropriate age and wrote his first book at the end of a combat deployment. You can find Jonas on the pages of Black Fall.
Next week we will have a special guest – a special forces guest, member of a black-ops unit. Please follow the site by email (bottom-right), via Twitter or like our Facebook page to be notified when the next interview is posted.