Dear readers, tonight on the guest couch we have Daina Harrow. Daina has been a victim of a terrible crime, and is here to impart a powerful message.
What was your favourite toy as a child?
I used to own a fluffy blue duck which accompanied me everywhere. Even when my mother wrenched it from my hands to wash it, I’d stare at the washing machine and the clothesline to make sure it was safe. When my brother died my father boxed up my duck with his belongings by mistake. Dad retrieved it but the duck didn’t feel the same afterwards. For some reason, it wasn’t as fluffy or as comforting.
How do you feel about not ageing while seeing your old friends get on with life?
Considering the poor choices my old “friends” made with their lives, it hasn’t been upsetting. I still have my true friend with me here, and he’s not getting any older either. Besides, it’s not like I’ve been sitting still, watching them the whole time. I came back for the inquest because it’s all about me. If it were only them, I wouldn’t bother. I’m sure the reverse applies.
Do you have any advice for school bullies?
Take whatever pleasure you can from your petty torments. Soon, you’ll grow up to find the world doesn’t appreciate you and you can’t get what you want by threatening someone. Try giving the bank manager a Chinese burn to get your mortgage payment extended. Or, threaten to dunk the checkout operator’s head in the toilet when your credit card’s declined. See how far you get. Perhaps you should stop bullying and start trying to learn some life skills. Loser.
What are you up to at the moment?
As I mentioned, I’ve popped back for my inquest. Can you believe how long it took to find my body? Ten years. They finished building a house on top of my corpse and never even realised. Wouldn’t that creep you out as a home owner? They’ve been calling people from my past up to the stand to give evidence, but they’re not telling things as I remember them. People’s memories are so fallible. Everybody tries to put themselves in the best light. You can’t trust anybody but me. I’m the sole presence who has nothing left to gain, or lose.
You’ve been dead for ten years. Does that make you a ghost?
Nah, I’m more like a manifestation. My sole purpose in existing is to expose the truth. If everybody was truthful and bothered to store memories the way they happened instead of the way they wished they had, I don’t think I’d exist. Plus, I’ve got my imaginary friend here as company. Whoever heard of a ghost having an imaginary friend?
Next week on the guest couch we will have an ancient entity that took up mortal flesh only to find love. Please follow the site by email (bottom-right), via Twitter or like our Facebook page to be notified when the next interview is posted.