Dear readers, tonight with us is a criminal mastermind with unlimited resources, cunning, and guile. He’s here to tell us about being a supervillain and cyber-terrorist.
Tell us a little about where you grew up. What was it like there?
I was beaten and abandoned in Omaha when I was ten. My dad, good Christian that he was, gave me fifty bucks before leaving me on a deserted highway in the rain. Omaha wasn’t bad. Nobody paid any attention to a little black kid. The food was boring, but I wouldn’t realize that for several years. Plus, thanks to the changing economy they weren’t prepared for, there were plenty of empty spaces for me to live in. So I had shelter at all times. Even snagged wi-fi for a bit.
Did you have any favourite toys as a child? Any cherished memories?
Toys were never a thing for me. Other kids had them, but my family needed me to do other stuff. Mostly I had to hide the money my mom made turning tricks so the cops couldn’t get it. But, one fun memory, it was so cool when Jimmy Pruitt’s mom posed naked for the cover of a mixtape. Even though you couldn’t see her face we all knew her neck tattoo. Oh, and her cookies. She made amazing cookies. Also, when the churches had fairs in the summer, my mom would turn tricks behind the porta-potties, so that freed me up to ride the rides. My favorite was the Tilt-A-Whirl. I looked forward to summers just for that.
What do you do now?
Well, according to various law enforcement agencies, I’m a supervillain. But, in reality, I’m just the old man’s business partner. I invented a line of tech, called Hit Bit Technology, while being held prisoner by a terrorist in the Middle East. It enhances a person’s natural abilities. I, and one other person, have a fully functional iteration of the tech implanted. We can connect to the internet, anywhere in the world, without requiring any type of computer or mobile device. Plus, we’re able to run as fast Cheetahs, lift twenty times our body weight, and enhance our vision at will. Telescoping, night vision, and a whole bunch more. Of course, all that requires lots of fuel, so we have to make sure to eat thousands of calories after every use.
What can you tell us about your latest adventure?
Well, we killed a Russian colonel at his home and then rerouted tens of millions of dollars away from his secret accounts into the accounts of our sponsors. Basic day to day stuff. See, my adventures happened when I didn’t plan. That’s how I ended up being tortured while locked in a dungeon in the desert. A lack of planning is how I ended up getting my face turned into blood pudding by two goons in a New York alley. Now, I don’t have adventures, I have successful missions.
What did you think when you discovered computers?
How did man feel when he finally harnessed fire? When he walked on the moon? Whatever anyone felt on those occasions pales by comparison. Computers don’t hit, don’t hurt, and don’t lie. Computers understood me and I them. Even though I only had access to library computers in Omaha at first, I still learned a lot. Within a year I was able to find information not normally available to the general public. Computers taught me how to be a pick pocket, hack ATMs, they all run on Win-7 and easy to get into, and so much more. Computers became my friends and constant companions. They allowed me to have control over my life in ways I’d never imagined. While they gave me my freedom, they also gave me the skills to work with the old man and ensure I would never have to worry about money or security again.
What was the scariest thing in your adventures?
When I got captured by the Mullah it was the first time I’d truly considered my own mortality. Sure, I’d joined the Marines, mostly to hack D.O.D. computers, and had seen combat, but I was always surrounded by people who could help me if things went south. But, stripped of my clothes, denied my rank, and realizing I was in more trouble than a minor lecture or even a beating could cover, I finally knew fear. It was then I realized fear could control or fuel me. I chose the latter.
What is the worst thing about being a supervillain?
You’d be amazed at how limited your social activities are. Fortunately, the old man and his partners own some of the nicest restaurants in the world. So I can eat out. But only when the restaurants are closed. There are varying prices on my head, depending on which country I’m in, and there are active warrants on four continents at the moment. So, walking down the street is a bit of an issue. That said, the last physical description anyone has of me is getting more out of date with each passing day.
What is the best thing about it?
There’s a visceral thrill I get every time I take on a mission. And, let’s be honest, I have an amazing amount of power. People can disappear from the planet just because I say so. Right now I like staying near the old man in New York City, but I can see myself buying an island some day and settling down. Plus, ignoring the impact on my social life – which I do, I’m freer than I’ve ever been. I have access to tech that won’t see the light of day for decades and people loyal to me, or the old man, protecting my interests.
Tell us a little about your friends.
There are two. The old man and Cat. He’s the head of a mafia family in New York, but also one of the most powerful criminals on earth. He uses the former as cover for the latter. He’s a piece of work, as you might imagine, but he took me in when no one else would. Sure, it was because I’d stolen thousands of dollars from his ATMs, but he still took me in. He firmly believes in not throwing away assets, a lesson I’ve embraced as well, so he kept me around. As the years have gone by we’ve developed an abiding friendship and give each other a level of trust we share almost nowhere else.
Cat’s a completely different story. I met her just after boot camp while we were on a plane headed to a warzone. She had a couple of issues but we hit it off. We’ve been through a lot together, including being tortured, so we’re bound together in ways I doubt many could understand. And, bonus, since she enjoys the physical sides of our missions more than I do, she makes the perfect Yang to my Yin.
What’s your favourite meal?
Strangozzi al Tartufo Nero. The old man introduced me to it when I was about seventeen. He made it himself, even grating the truffles. He always served it with a small portion of Grigliata mista di carne. And, of course, a dry red wine. I’m not much of a drinker, but I have a nice collection of wines thanks to him, and will enjoy one now and then.
What does the future hold for you?
Hopefully more of the same. I’m still young, not even thirty, and can pretty much do as I please. Of course, I’ll be going to see the movie ©Watchdog Entertainment®, LLC is making about me. It’ll probably be full of lies, but I can use them to confuse the past even more. The thicker the smokescreen, the happier I am.
Can you share a secret with us, which you’ve never told anyone else?
When I get my island, I’m getting a kitten.
Bill McCormick is a critically acclaimed author of several novels, graphic novels, comic book series, and has appeared in numerous anthologies. He began writing professionally in 1986 for the Chicago Rocker Magazine in conjunction with his radio show on Z-95 (ABC-FM) and went on to write for several other magazines and blogs. He currently writes a twisted news & science blog at WorldNewsCenter.org which provides source material for his weekly radio appearance on WBIG 1280 AM, FOX!
You can find Splice on the pages of SPLICE: HIT BIT TECHNOLOGY.
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