Dear readers, tonight with me is the emperor of the galaxy pirates. He is here to tell us about a future where reptiloid aliens have enslaved Earth, and about the bureaucracy of running an empire.
Tell us a little about where you grew up. What was it like there?
I grew up on a ship, obviously. Back in those times, there was just one spaceship at our disposal – the very original Shark Tooth, crafted by my grandparents. My uncle was the captain, managing a crew of pirates from across the galaxies. Mother was treated like a princess since my uncle was very fond of her. Naturally, he adored me too. He even made up a nickname for me – ‘Aya’. Sounds weird, eh? Nay, for the Herminoids such as my uncle and mom, it is a usual thing – they double the first syllable of a person’s name and there you have it, a fresh cuddly nickname! Like, take a usual human name, ‘John’. For Herminoids it’d be ‘Jojo’_ Yeah, I guess it didn’t come out as neat… whatever.
But I figure you humans want to know more about my human father? Well, as long as he stuck beside my mom he was fine. Uncle didn’t really fancy him around, to be honest. Humans were considered weaklings by all the alien races, and my uncle was definitely not an exception. From that very moment, I decided to make sure no one would ever dare call me a ‘weakling’, even if I was half-human from father’s side. To be fair, humans aren’t weaklings at all. My father is one of the strongest people I know. Strength is not only muscles – that’s a fact.
Any cherished memories?
Memories… Aye, I remember everything from the second I was born. I’ve a lot of cherished memories. Family and friends are my treasure. All the time I’ve spent with them, is treasured time. The way papá would read me Hispanish books and tell human tales… I used to close my eyes in order not to read my father’s thoughts, and would instead let my own imagination run loose. Damn, so many adventures, and all that while lying in a dark cabin, not sticking my nose out! If you humans possess any magical powers, the broad imagination should definitely be one.
What do you do now?
There’s been a long time since I’ve taken my life in my own two hands. I see to it that all of my plans are thoroughly executed. I am the Galaxy Pirate Emperor. I’ve got a whole empire under my rule. That’s a lot of work, be sure of it. There are many planets under our jurisdiction across the Seven Universes. As I want to be a benevolent ruler I have to consider every citizen’s opinions and feelings. That’s not all – constant disputes in my own crew and fleet, over trivial matters… Some are such fools they can’t even follow a single damn rule! Nay, management is certainly not something I’m fond of. If I weren’t a godly being I’d immediately resign from this tiresome post, trust me. But when there’s no one else to take up the role of a saviour, what can I do?
What can you tell us about your latest adventure across the galaxies?
Every day is an adventure, especially to such free-spirited people as I. But I’ll tell you of the most important one – it was the conquest of a maiden’s heart. Her name is Violet. She is a human like you guys. I adore her – her very essence elevates my crimson spirit. Aye, nothing can be better than an adventure of a passionate heart!
Oh, a girl? What was it like when you first met?
Uncle brought her to me as a gift for the Root Cherishing Day – an interuniversal celebration. She was hot! She was kind of fearful, though… She’d been a slave across the galaxies for a long time, so she was at first scared of me. You know, my reputation of a tyrant, a bloody criminal, and all that… I had to work hard to make her open up with me.
The way you describe yourself, it is most likely others who should fear you. But is there anything you are afraid of?
Hermin’s bliss, there’s a lot of stuff to fear! One should be on the alert every time when sailing across the galaxies. Be it mutinies and rebellions, or enemies from the outside – all’s the same trouble. The thing that scares me the most, however, is rather an abstract concept – losing my loved ones. My loved ones are my treasure, and for a pirate, losing their treasure is worse than death.
You’ve indeed mentioned how much you cherish your family and friends. Yet, you’ve only told us about your family so far. Can you tell us more about your friends?
All of my crewmates are my friends, so it will take a whole book to tell you all about them. However, the most trusted ones are few, so I can indeed rant a lot about them.
My first-mate Baxus Meelias, a half-human like me – the guy’s a savage hunk! His dad and my grandpa were good friends, so now we continue the tradition. He is a Bakhal species – stone giants from the Bakhassa Universe. They’re the wildest bunch you can ever meet – a cannibal tribe. They kill and eat their own kind and are happy about it. Thankfully Baxus’ human nature compensates that savagery and you get a kind-hearted explosive fellow in the end.
My third-mate, Zehu Vaagard – a Daluma species, like my grandfather. The Daluma are human-like creatures, but far more potent. Zehu is a prince of the Daluma Asteroid, but has been banished long ago, so he’s now traversing the galaxies together with me. He’s mute but still quite expressive since he can perform telepathy. I know you might think I am a tyrant and a scary guy, but trust me, Zehu is the creepiest creature alive – so silent, studying everything around him, and what the hell he’s scheming, only stars know. He has that innocent smile, making you think he’s a cinnamon roll, but in truth, he is definitely the most dangerous man in my entire fleet.
I’ll stop here, if you allow. I’ve had a lot of second-mates, so mentioning all of them will take us a lot of time.
Alright, you’ve told us a lot about things you love. Now, what are things you hate?
Hate? I’m a gracious man – hatred is foreign to my heart. But I’ll be frank – things I hate, just like my fears, are abstract concepts: cowardice, irresponsibility, nihilism, weak will… These are just few traits that can drive me absolutely mad. The way different creatures treat each other – with scorn, carelessness, lack of compassion – you just have that urge to crystallize them blood-red and finish them off! Hermin’s bliss, I can overlook anything, but I can never forgive a person leading a worthless life.
You’ve told us you’re a busy man. What do you enjoy doing in your free time?
Aye, I’ve a balanced life, amigo – as much as I’m busy, I’ve a lot of fun time up my sleeve. Partying with my crewmates relieves tension. Sometimes I enjoy solitude, too – reading books in my comfy cabin, drinking hot muku juice and munching yummy black cocoa cookies. At certain times, though, my beloved señorita barges in and demands my attention… Meh, a man can never really be free anymore once a maiden steals his heart.
You’ve mentioned to have conquered a lot of planets. What’s next? What does the future hold for you?
Future horizons are all mine, amigo! I’ll continue conquering planets as well as taking care of my empire. I shall exterminate all that’s in my way… or turn my enemies into allies to follow my lead. Be their choice. One thing I know, however – nothing can stop me in these galaxies. Oh, yet one more thing, since we’ve tackled the topic – I’m soon going to be a daddy!
Wow, congratulations! Is it a boy or a girl?
Haha, thank you, amigo, kind regards are appreciated! Well, we Herminoids can choose the gender of our child, and I chose a girl. I’ve decided my successor to be a Galaxy Pirate Empress. She’ll be my grandest treasure and my greatest pride, to continue my legacy.
Tamuna was born in Tbilisi, Republic of Georgia. Writing has always been her passion. She started publishing books in English at the age of 14 on amazon.com. Her native language is Georgian, but she prefers using English as it is a lingua franca and she can reach more readers. Apart from Georgian and English, she speaks Russian, French, and Italian fluently, has some knowledge of Spanish and German, and is currently learning Japanese and Mandarin Chinese. At the age of 17, Tamuna tried screenwriting and began to develop in that field as well. She tried her luck also in the game writing (narrative design) and soon her first game was published – Galerider by OrionArts Games (https://www.galeridergame.com/). Currently, Tamuna is a student at Tbilisi State University, pursuing the BA degree of English Language and Literature. She plans to continue her MA degree in Europe.
You can find Arubah on the pages of Galaxy Pirates.
Join us in the beginning of next year for a psych eval of two protagonists fighting other-worldly horrors while covered in chocolate. Please follow the site by email (bottom-right) to be notified when the next interview is posted.