Dear readers, tonight on the interview couch is a former painter turned master swordsman. He is here to tell us about his adventures, about swords and sorcery, sabertooth tigers and bizarre blades.
Tell us a little about where you grew up. What was it like there?
I grew up in the frozen wastelands of Shimoshimo. It’s absolutely terrible, especially for me. Everyone is brutish, rude, and primal while I’m… just different. Not saying I’m more artsy and sophisticated but… I am, which has been more of a curse.
Did you have any favourite toys as a child? Any cherished memories?
My favorite toy would certainly have been a paint brush. I grew up with a painter for a father and a kind, intelligent mother who had the job of growing the few types of vegetation possible in Shimoshimo.
What do you do now?
I am fortunate (or unfortunate) to have become a Champion and a graduate from the Champions of Arbitration. I, and my team of Champions, help to keep the peace between Bizarre Blade wielders around the world as Champions can be either good or evil.
What can you tell us about your latest adventure?
I recently just ran away from a massive T-rex that was bent on eating me for lunch! It wasn’t her size that scared me the most (which it certainly did scare the crap out of me) but that of her amazing intelligence!
What did you first think during your first battle?
I remember when the army caravan I was walking with, as I was a foot soldier many months ago, was attacked by bandits looking to steal our food! Somehow, I was blamed for stored drugs in the caravan and was quickly cast into a cage behind a gassy woolly mammoth. I honestly didn’t think life could get any worse!
What was the scariest thing in your adventures?
Talking to the pretty girls I’ve met. Something about having a Bizarre Blade made me more desirable than I ever thought possible.
What is the worst thing about being a champion?
Living out in the forest means you are constantly swatting at blood sucking insects or pulling them from your hair while you’re trying to sleep. Who knows how many I swallowed on accident. Not to mention the horrible diarrhea from eating the wrong berries. Yikes.
What is the best thing about it?
The best thing about being a Champion is that I can finally live a life of meaning! I’ve always looked upon these great Champions who all were making huge differences in the world! Sure, painting can do that too… but not in Shimoshimo where art is under appreciated.
Tell us a little about your friends.
At the moment, I’m not sure if I have any friends. I have acquaintances who have the same goals as me, and that’s really it. Sometimes I wonder if they would stab me in the back just to complete their objectives. There are issues in this world, HUGE issues that a small Shimoshimoan like me never would have discovered without becoming a Champion.
Any romantic involvement?
I wish. I have all this training with a Blade under my belt but talking to the opposite sex… now there’s a skill I’d like to have.
Whom (or what) do you really hate?
I really hate Constantine Firefurnace who tried to bribe me into killing a smaller soldier. He’s a monster.
What’s your favourite drink, colour, and relaxing pastime?
Favorite color would be green as that is the color of my hair and eyes. To relax, I usually go for painting or reading a book on Bizarre Blades. Favorite drink would have to be mammoth milk which has a naturally sweet taste to it.
What does the future hold for you?
Lots of blood and agony I’m sure. Not a day has gone by were I haven’t had to fend for my life. Whether it be running away from T-Rexes and into the maw of giant Crocodiles or coming face to face with evil Bizarre Blade wielders, my life has become far less boring and more… life threatening.
Can you share a secret with us, which you’ve never told anyone else?
I’ve never kissed a girl. Please, for the love of God, don’t tell anyone. Wait… who’s all seeing this interview???
Stevie Collier writes books that are true to himself… which means they’re eccentric and weird. Most people describe his work as Unique, Odd, Hilarious, Bizarre, Wacky, Action Packed… and different… kind of like the author himself! When Stevie isn’t writing high fantasy, you can find him at the gym pumping iron or running with his spoiled white Siberian Husky named Spartacus. He loves watching movies (Horror is his favorite even though it scares the bejeezus out of him) along with a lot of anime. Not to mention that he is an avid gamer when he has time! Stevie grew up with way too many creative ideas in his head and so he had to make a decision. Either sit and write down all his stories… or allow his brain to explode fantasy all over the walls.
Keep an eye out for mid-week special SPFBO interviews! Join us next week to hear from an immortal hero and his interviewer, from a world where science and technology intermingle. Please follow the site by email (bottom-right) to be notified when the next interview is posted.