Dear readers, tonight on the interview couch is an old slavic goddess from a world where gods and monsters, the heroes and villains of ancient lore, are real.

She is here to tell us about the rise of the gods and the coming war.

Tell us a little about where you grew up. What was it like there?

Why do you bother me with these silly questions, durak? I am busy and war is coming. No time for nonsense from crazy person. Now you are kidding. You are crying? All right, bezumets, I answer quickly.

My father is Father, all you need to know. My mother was Phoberomys pattersoni. Much like muskrat or beaver, but much bigger. Don’t give me that face, I peel it off your head. That is better. I was born in what is today called Orinoco River Valley, in country now named by the watoto—humans—Venezuela. I have been everywhere in world. Several worlds. I have lived in many places. After last Great War with Asura I lived in lands later called Russia. People knew my Truename, Mokosh, and worshipped me as goddess of weather, water, and protection. Yes I am goddess. Do I not look like goddess?

Did you have any favourite toys as a child? Any cherished memories?

Toys?! I played with sticks and fish when I was young. I ate them. And I threw them at Father. Was fun.

I have enjoyed looking after brat child Fiona Megan Patterson and spending time with her uncle, Edgar. Do not tell them I said that, or I show you lightning from sky to your backside.

What do you do now?

I am answering idiot questions from beshenyy mal’chik! (Mutters again) I am sure u tebia ochen malenki hui

We are on invisible island, Kumari Kandam, to prepare for war. There are many Firstborn here, but not enough. We will probably lose. Mac Gallus plays terrible music. Fiona trains to be Valkyrie. Zeke has made himself stone clubfoot by accident and set his hand on fire. Stupid boy, but sweet. I am happy to have Leshy here now, someone to talk to from old country.

What can you tell us about your latest adventure?

Latest? I have had many, for I am Mokosh! Fiona will not call me that. She insists on Mrs. Mirskaya. I was her babysitter, you know. Then I gave her job in my Russian market. What? Oh yes. Great Wars have been over for a long time, but only a few days ago many of us were attacked by our old enemies. Some did not live. But Mokosh lived. We have been running with Father since, to gather the surviving Deva, The Warriors of Old, the Firstborn who fought for Father in Great Wars. Some call us gods. Some call us devils. They are all correct. But if we do not win this new war, there will be none to call us anything.

What did you first think when you found out the myths of the world were real?

Myths are stories based on truth, twisted by watoto, the humans. They forget things. They change things to fit their purposes. More interesting is when humans came. They are weak, but resilient. We fought for them. Some are good.

What was the scariest thing in your adventures?

I am Mokosh, I do not fear! Not true… I fear for Fiona, and Zeke. They are not ready. It is not their time. They have good hearts, though, and strengths of their own, if they can learn to use them.

Tell us a little about your friends.

All of my friends are Firstborn, my brothers and sisters. And I do not like most of them. I have had human friends, but their lives are too short. I try not to get to close any more.

Any romantic involvement?

None of your business!

Sorry about that. Whom (or what) do you really hate?

All the Asura, who are also my brothers and sisters. We have world’s original most dysfunctional family. Kleron is evil little brat. Maskim Xul is pervert and cruel. Khagan is beastly megalomaniac. And there are more. Many more.

What’s your favourite drink, colour, and relaxing pastime?

Vodka! And tea. My favorite color is yellow. My favorite pastime… Making bread, and borscht. And eating it. Did I tell you I like vobla? Salted and dried. It makes me happy to eat vobla. And to make Asura dead with lightning.

What does the future hold for you?

War. Ragnarok and armageddon all over again. Many of my family will die, there is no way around it. I will do anything I can to save them, though. Even give my own life.

Can you share a secret with us, which you’ve never told anyone else?

You tell no one this! We may have secret weapon. He does not have control over it yet, but if he learns, and he does not kill us all by accident, he and Fiona could help to save the world. (Lowers voice) Zeke Prisco is an Elemental… Now go away. (Mutters: Shob tebe deti v sup srali…)

Dyrk Ashton is a Midwestern boy who spent some time in Hollywood. He teaches film, geeks out on movies and books, and writes about regular folks and their trouble with monsters.

You can meet Mrs. Mirskaya on the pages of Paternus: Rise of Gods.

Keep an eye out for mid-week special SPFBO interviews! Join us next week to meet former painter turned master swordsman. Please follow the site by email (bottom-right) to be notified when the next interview is posted.