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The Protagonist Speaks

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Assaph Mehr

Felix the Fox is a failed magician (not his fault he couldn't pay tuition and got thrown out), a discharged legionary (honourably discharged - even if the dice were loaded), and a full time investigator of crap no one else wants to touch. Assaph is just the guy putting words on paper for Felix.

Oller (of New Rock New Realm, by Richard Sparks)

Dear readers, tonight with us is a sneakthief, part of a crew on a mission to follow a cryptic message that arrived on a ghost ship.

Tell us a little about where you grew up. What was it like there?

I grew up on the streets of Brigstowe. I never knew my parents. I usually managed to find somewhere to doss down for the night. I’d have been lost without Old Fingers, who took me on as his ’prentice and taught me everything he knew about thieving. He said I was a natural. I joined the Thieves Guild as soon as I could, aged ten or so. I was soon one of their best operators. If it hadn’t been for an out-of-town lass who played me for a sucker I’d never have wound up drafted into My Lord’s army—and I’d never have met Daxx, and Grell, and Qrysta, and gone on all our adventures all over the world. Foreigners, they are, and with funny foreign ways—and Grell’s an Orc, from somewhere called Ozgaroo. But they’re my new family now. First family I ever had. Best family I could imagine.

Did you have any favourite toys as a child? Any cherished memories?

Toys? Me? Only toys I ever had were ones I nicked, and sold on as soon as I could. Cherished memories? Well, if it hadn’t been for Old Fingers spotting me nicking purses in the market, I’d probably have been caught by the guards and hauled up before the reeve. He was the saving of me, and like a father to me.

What do you do now?

I find things. I’m good at finding. Ways, gold, hidden secrets and valuables. The others rely on me to find things. And use my knives when it comes to a scrap, of course.

What can you tell us about your latest adventure?

We only went and got on board this ghost ship like four blooming idiots—well, five if you count Little Guy, my dog, who adopted me when we was on the run from the authorities. Then we got into a mess, I can tell you—having to get tricky jobs done for this nasty piece of work while the whole realm was hunting us and wanting to kill us. First job was to fight a helldragon, and it only got worse from there.

Continue reading “Oller (of New Rock New Realm, by Richard Sparks)” →
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Ed the Dimetrodon (of The Heart of Pangaea, by Lindsey Kinsella)

Dear readers, tonight we interview an imaginary friend, a precocious twelve-year-old’s companion. He’s a dinosaur, living in a fantastical pre-historic world together with other creatures, pirates, and ancient magic.

Tell us a little about where you were born. What was it like there?

Well, as an imaginary friend, I suppose I was born in my best friend’s imagination. I can’t say I remember exactly how I came to be—when did I shift from abstract thought to something… more? Am I more than that at all? What I can say is Robyn’s mind is a wild place—believe me when I say it has created more than just me!

But conceptually I was born much longer ago. You see, Robyn is a real geek for everything prehistoric, so when she concocted a friend, she modelled me on a real-life ancient creature. A Dimetrodon hailing from the Permian period, some quarter of a billion years ago and long before the first dinosaur hatched. It was a time before the rise of reptiles, when animals more similar to mammals ruled the planet.

Did you have any favourite activities as a child? Any cherished memories?

One of the downsides of being a figment of someone’s imagination is that interacting with the “real” world is… difficult. I won’t say impossible—I did once headbutt someone into a puddle, but that’s a story for another time.

So, I have to be happy to spectate. And I know that sounds boring, but I get to spectate the most interesting girl on the planet. Okay, I might be biased. She’s an incredible artist, an impressive athlete, and… a terrible singer. So, you might say my favourite activity is just being with my best friend every single day. I don’t think many people get to do that.

Of course, I’m also her emotional support—and she’s needed me for that lately. You see, her mum isn’t well. We didn’t realise until recently just how unwell. But it’s okay—we can help her.

What do you do now?

Not so long ago, Robyn and I made a discovery. It all began with the aforementioned headbutt. Look, I’m not proud of myself, but… actually I am—it was awesome and they totally deserved it. From there we came to realise that the line between what’s imaginary and what’s real is kind of vague. Under the right conditions, I can interact with the real world. And if I can, does that mean anything Robyn imagines could? Could she create real, physical things with nothing more than imagination?

One thing led to another and woosh! We find ourselves in a different world. An imaginary world, but somehow real. I can’t say I understand it myself, but I feel at home there. I can touch things, speak with people other than Robyn, I can eat. That might all sound quite pedestrian to you, but I’ve never been able to do those things before.

So now we have a job to do—a quest, if you will. Because this world, Pangaea, has a magic to it. Something more than just a tired cliché about the power of imagination. Here, we might find a cure for Robyn’s mum. If it’s here, we will find it. We have to.

What can you tell us about your latest adventure?

Our time in Pangaea has been wild. We’ve met prehistoric creatures, dined with a king, and even been kidnapped by pirates—all in search for the Heart of Pangaea. We don’t know what it is yet, but we’ll find out soon—the king reckons it could save Robyn’s mum.

Continue reading “Ed the Dimetrodon (of The Heart of Pangaea, by Lindsey Kinsella)” →
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Prof Benjamin Dinerstein (of The Ibbur’s Tale, by Lenny Abelson)

Dear readers, tonight we’re chatting with an English literature professor who encountered a most unusual ghost. Straight out of Eastern European Judaic mythology, it has led him on a journey of discovery and mysteries.

TPS: We were pleased to have the opportunity to speak with Professor Emeritus Benjamin Dinerstein about his experiences with an ibbur and the remarkable history the two of them uncovered. Professor, welcome!

BD: Thank you very much, and please call me Ben. It is a pleasure to meet you.

TPS: Likewise. Well, Ben, it is now more than twenty-two years since your encounter with the ibbur. Have you had any further contact either with her or Zephaniah, the mysterious old woman who played such a prominent role in the narrative?

BD: Sadly, I have not.

TPS: But you are quite certain that you actually encountered an ibbur, in this case, the ghost of your former student, Miriam?

BD: Excuse me. I hate to wax pedantic, but I must make a quick correction. An ibbur is not to be confused with a ghost. It is a very specific type of possessive spirit. Miriam came to me seeking my assistance. She had one last mitzvah, a good deed, to perform, and that was to finish her uncle’s quest. In fairness, she would surely have completed the task herself had she not been killed in the automobile accident. That said, I am absolutely certain that the entity I encountered was indeed Miriam.

TPS: I understand. In fact, I found the story quite convincing myself. Why, there’s so much history — not only her family’s saga, but European history, from before World War One through World War Two…

BD: … and, as you probably realized as quickly as I did, it all “fits.” As implausible as it might seem, these events took place almost exactly as Susanna, whom Miriam had planned to contact, described them.

TPS: I found Susanna absolutely fascinating. What remarkable strength she must have had!

BD: I got to know her quite well over the years, and she was a wonderful woman. She died just a few months ago, though not before she had seen five great-grandchildren.

TPS: But Naomi was her only child?

BD: Yes. It seems that irony ran rampant in that family. Michael Goldberg, Susanna’s husband, had had a bad case of mumps and was apparently unable to have children of his own. Similarly, Zephaniah told me that the man Yosef Müller believed was his father had also been rendered sterile by that disease. However, it seems as though everything fell into place nevertheless, didn’t it?

TPS: Indeed. Now, I must ask you something a little more personal. You have long described yourself as a skeptic, yet you seem so willing to accept an encounter with a purported ibbur without any reservations. Did you step out of character? Did you make an exception because of your feelings toward Miriam, your former student?

BD: Not at all! Like the ancient Greek skeptics, I tend to withhold assent, at least initially. Thereafter, I reserve judgment until I have gathered sufficient information. The image of Miriam convinced me that she was indeed my brilliant student, and the strange family saga that we unfolded was considerably more believable than the appearance of an ibbur. Everything made sense, except —

Continue reading “Prof Benjamin Dinerstein (of The Ibbur’s Tale, by Lenny Abelson)” →
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Philip Pirrup, aka Pip (of Twisted Expectations, by Brent A. Harris)

Dear readers, tonight with us is one of everyone’s favourite Dickens’ characters – talking about 19th century London, steam engines, time travel, and dinosaurs.

Tell us a little about where you grew up. What was it like there?

I grew up poor out on the Moors of Kent with my sister and her husband Joe Gargary, the local blacksmith and to whom I apprenticed under. I was raised by hand by my sister, and I do mean a mean one. Luckily, a generous benefactor intervened and sent me off to London to become a gentleman.

Did you have any favourite toys as a child? Any cherished memories?

I played at knaves with Uncle Joe, and we’d often race to see who could eat our buttered bread first each morning, and the times we’d work together at his forge, but I gave all that up when I was offered a chance to become a gentleman in London, a choice that I sometimes think back upon in regret.

What do you do now?

I am a gentleman of the city, you see. My duties are to my wealth and to my name. I’m seeking a parliamentary seat, and for that, I’ve called upon the London’s own vigilante, The Orphan, for his assistance. I wish to ally myself with him.

What can you tell us about your latest adventure?

Well, I should have known, chaps, that involving myself with Mr. Twist would inevitably wrap me up in one of his mad schemes to save the city when creatures – extinct creatures, mind you – arrive without invitation or provocation.

Continue reading “Philip Pirrup, aka Pip (of Twisted Expectations, by Brent A. Harris)” →
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Vivian Carter (of Hot Moon, by Alan Smale)

Dear readers, tonight with us is a naval aviator and astronaut, chosen to command the Apollo 32 mission, and then later carrying out a lunar geological survey and visiting both lunar poles for the first time.

Tell us a little about where you grew up. What was it like there?

Hi! Thanks for having me on. I’m Vivian Carter, US Navy and NASA, and I was a military brat. I grew up on bases and stations across America, and some overseas, and we were never in one place for more than a year or two at a time. I’d like to say that was refreshing and awesome, but actually … it sucked. Kept having to prove myself every other year to a whole new bunch of kids in a whole new place. I mean, it was okay, I made it through. My parents pretty much left me to myself, like all parents did in the 1950s and 60s. Sink or swim, right? And once I became a naval aviator, the same thing: always moving around. So I never really put down roots anywhere until I joined the astronaut corps and moved to Houston

If I’m honest, I wouldn’t say we were a close family. Aside from my gran. She’s terrific. Don’t ever mess with my gran.

Did you have any favourite toys as a child? Any cherished memories?

Toys?

Sure. You know, toys.

Well, okay, then: Airplanes. My dad made those plasticky Revell model kits, which totally makes sense, right? Fly military planes all day, and make them out of teeny tiny components and glue in the evenings. Revell, and some Airfix kits from England, I think. A lot of them were really quite nice. You’d glue them all together and then maybe paint them or just stick the decals on. Or my dad did. And then he’d hang them from the ceiling in my bedroom with string. I’d unhitch them and play with them, and then hang them back up again. I did love those planes. Never made them myself, I was out with my friends, raising Cain. I mean …  fishing. I get to edit this afterwards, right? I’m a bit punchy right now, just came off a training exercise in Panama and I’m working on very little sleep.

We can do that. Let’s jump ahead. What’s it like being a woman in the astronaut corps?

Tell you what, if we’re jumping ahead and all, why don’t I just skip the woman part and talk about being an astronaut? Which is hard work for everyone. And how goddamned proud I was to command Apollo 32, on its mission to the Marius Hills a couple of years ago. It was exploratory, walking on regolith no one had ever visited before. We did ten excursions in ten days, on foot and in the Lunar Rover. Those days were was long and hard, but exhilarating. It was the best experience of my life.

I’m sure. And what can you tell us about your next mission, your coming adventure?

As you obviously know, I’m commanding Lunar Geological Survey One when it launches next month. Which is a complete circumnavigation of the Moon, visiting both poles for the first time. We have a MOLAB – mobile laboratory, big silver pressurized truck – plus a lunar rover and a dirt bike. We’ll head north out of Zvezda-US Copernicus base to the North Pole, then down the far side of the Moon to Daedalus Base. We’ll take a two-week break there during lunar night, then off we go again: down to the South Pole, and up the nearside back to Zvezda. We’ll be taking rock samples every step of the way, visiting a whole bunch of really cool lunar sites, and doing a lot of other science as well. I was one of the designers of the original mission concept. We’re calling it “Around the Moon in Eighty Days.”

Catchy. And it sounds a lot calmer than … well. It’s safe to say that you’ve seen the Cold War up close and personal, by now.

It did get a bit hotter a couple years back, yeah. As we all know. Hopefully that’s behind us now.

Of course, but … let’s cut to the chase here. What went through your mind when you first found yourself under attack by the Soviets, in space?

I’m not really supposed to talk about that.

Whatever you feel like sharing. But … well, a lot of that was in the news, anyway. Eventually.

I guess.

Well.

When I became an astronaut – I mean, ‘became’ sounds like some fairy shook her magic wand over me – when I earned my slot on Apollo, and even more so when I flew: I honestly thought I’d left the Cold War behind, back on Earth. We all did. I mean, the Space Race was – is – still very much a thing, right? And I’m all for constructive competition, especially if it gets Congress to keep funding the Apollo Program. Wait. You’ll edit that out, right? Maybe give me a copy of the article prior to publication, so’s I can check for anything that might get me in trouble?

Of course we will.

Okay, that’s a relief. I don’t have to second-guess what I’m saying in real time, then.

Continue reading “Vivian Carter (of Hot Moon, by Alan Smale)” →
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Glinda and Hastur (of Yellow King of Oz, by Casper Hedron)

Dear readers, tonight we reprint a school newsletter from the land of Oz, interviewing two of the main characters.

Hello dear readers, and welcome to another issue of Bullet Point, official newsletter for the Royal Military Academy of Oz! Today we have something very special lined up for you; an interview with Glinda the Good, and her former adversary, Hastur. Let՚s start with a round of introductions. I am Miss Cuttenclip, writer and publisher of Bullet Point.

Glinda: And I am Glinda, Good Witch of the South, Headmistress of the Royal Military Academy of Oz, and protagonist of Casper Hedron՚s Clockwise series. You may have also seen me in Frank Baum՚s Land of Oz series of books. He wrote fourteen of them. My name was even in the title of his last book. I՚d wager not many of you knew that.

Hastur: They՚re baby books. For babies. Don՚t read them.

Cuttenclip: Hastur, care to introduce yourself?

Hastur: Of course. I am Hastur, the King in Yellow, the Unspeakable, Magnum Innominandum, the Once and Future King of Oz. I՚m also the “antagonist” of the book Yellow King of Oz, and have appeared in adult horror novels by HP Lovecraft and RW Chambers. Not for babies.

Cuttenclip: Speaking of babies, why don՚t you both tell us a little about where you grew up?

Glinda: Certainly. I grew up in Quadling Country, the southern region of the Land of Oz. It was just me and my sister, two wandering orphans, but it wasn՚t bad by any means. Oz is a fairy land, full of magic and wonder, and the people who inhabit it are for the most part decent and kind. As children, we heard and read many stories about Zixi, the Witch Queen of Ix, and she became like an idol to us. So much so that we both resolved to become witches ourselves. At the time, Quadling Country was ruled by a beautiful sorceress named Princess Gayelette, and after several failed attempts we eventually convinced her to take us on as her apprentices.

Hastur: I grew up aeons ago, in the frozen wastes of Kadath. *sighs* I remember it fondly. My home was a simply magnificent onyx castle perched atop a mountain range, overlooking tens of thousands of subjects encased in ice, trapped in perpetual torment. You wouldn՚t think that people who were frozen solid could scream, but you՚d be wrong! I used to hang myself from one of the balconies and listen to that enchanting choir of anguish for hours every day. Good times.

Cuttenclip: Err … moving on. Did you have any favourite toys as a child? Any cherished memories?

Glinda: Lord Librasulus Tiddlywinks III. He was a stuffed white rabbit with a red waistcoat and a monocle, given to me by a fairy. I loved that rabbit. One day while we were travelling through Munchkin Country, I lost him to the man-eating plants that grow there. I was still just a child at the time, so I didn՚t know that you could pacify the plants by singing or whistling to them. So there I was, bawling my eyes out over having lost my rabbit, and what does my sister do? She lets herself get eaten by the same plant, then cuts her way out of it from the inside. Out she pops a minute later, completely caked in sticky plant goop, Lord Tiddlywinks in hand, and I hugged her so fiercely I knocked us both off our feet.

Cuttenclip: Aww, that՚s sweet. *clears throat* Hastur?

Hastur: When I was only a few thousand years old – still a toddler, basically – I destroyed a Yithian city and took one of their lightning guns as a souvenir. Afterwards I decided to pay a visit to my brother in R՚lyeh and show him my new toy. Perhaps you can see where this going?

Cuttenclip: Umm, no…?

Hastur: Oh, well, R՚lyeh is an underwater city. Water conducts electricity. *chuckles* So anyway, there I was, shooting everything in sight with my Yithian Lightning Cannon, everyone is screeching in pain and terror, and did you know that lightning can make music? I think humans call it a thoramin, or a zeusaphone, one of those Tesla Coil machines. *laughing* So all through the chaos and … and the screaming, my lightning gun is literally singing! Bweee-wooo! I … I like to think of it as my Melody of Mayhem. *wipes away imaginary tear* I guess you just had to be there.

Continue reading “Glinda and Hastur (of Yellow King of Oz, by Casper Hedron)” →
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Quinn Iremonger (of Cycled: Rebirth, by Alekz Wokal)

Dear readers, tonight with us is a man who hunts unlawful holders of soul shards — the mysterious crystals that each grant their holder a unique supernatural ability.

Tell us a little about where you grew up. What was it like there?

I’m from Overta Layartha, the busiest port on the east coast. You may have heard tales that hooligans, beggars, and thieves run the streets, and it’s true. I was one of them. My parents tried, but I was a rowdy kid. I wanted to be free, I craved the rush of street life. From stealing fruit from the market, to escaping the law. Pocketing coins from unsuspecting travelers and pilfering ships. There were many great times, but I eventually learned that life wasn’t for me. I could never bring myself to do the more heinous acts my crew did. Once that was sorted, I grew sick of the city, and all I dreamed about was leaving. Even considered asking the pirates whenever they docked if I could join their crew, but something always held me back. Like I wasn’t quite ready to leave. Then, one day, while sitting on a pier watching the vessels, a lovely lady sat with me and struck up a conversation. That’s when I knew why I hadn’t left yet. But that’s a story for another time.

Tell us what it means to be a trapper. What is it like?

We hunt unlawful shard holders, or as we like to call them, ushers. People who find a soul shard, and, instead of turning it in, use its powers as they please. Let’s say there’s a shard out there with the power to make appendages explode. Some random person finds it and decides to start popping people’s toes. Well, that’s where we come in. We go through rigorous training and develop special skills that allow us to hunt them. It takes years to master, but believe it or not, we can feel when a shard is nearby. We’ve also learned how to crack a shard from a distance, and if we can crack an usher’s shard before they do, they won’t get the power. Then, we go in and rough them up a bit. As for what it’s like being a trapper… A bit of a tricky one. Of course, you could say dangerous. Stressful. Often lonely. But where’s the fun in that? It’s exciting! Rewarding. Look, we’re catching the bad guys. Imagine you were the one who captured Aeryn the Maimer. Would feel pretty good, right? And you’d probably get lucky a time or two at your local tavern. Not that I would know anything about that, of course.

What can you tell us about your latest adventure?

Not much, I’m afraid. Not sure who all will be reading this. But what I can say is that I met Ember and Coen, and when I decided to travel with them, things got wild. Through them I’ve witnessed things I didn’t think possible. I’ve reunited with someone I thought long gone. We’ve fought side-by-side in battles where I was certain we would lose. But most of all, I’ve learned things that shook me to the core of who I am. Cryptic, I know. Let me just say this: I used to be a devout thaed. Not so much anymore.

Continue reading “Quinn Iremonger (of Cycled: Rebirth, by Alekz Wokal)” →
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Max (of Unfixed, by Amy L Sauder)

Dear readers, tonight with us is a young man, fascinated by historical circus wagons at the edge of town. He’s here to speak about claimed of an enchanted circus, abandoned mansions, and the blurring lines between villains and sidekicks.

Tell us a little about where you grew up. What was it like there? Any cherished memories?

That seems a bit nosy. I grew up same as everyone else, I suppose. And I cherish each memory. Why do you ask? What are you fishing for?  

At any rate, I don’t like talking about the past. The now is what matters, that and the future. The rest is in, well, the past. Let’s leave it there.

What do you do now?

I’m a private investigator, looking into the disappearance of the Circus of Strange Marvels and the night of the fire while doing simple upkeep at the abandoned Trencher mansion. My unfortunate roommate Fancy is no help, and the witnesses are unreliable and few.

What can you tell us about your latest adventure?

I’m sure you heard of it. The supposed hauntings, the claims of magic. Other than that, what else is there to say? The walls can’t talk and the people won’t. But sooner or later, something has gotta come out. And when it does I’ll be there, ready to jot it down.

What did you first think when you read about the night of the fire?

There’s so mystical an air around it that the only guesses are practically a fairy tale. Even the newspapers bought into the hype…what sort of journalist does that? And of course there’s no proof. Everyone loves a good story, but there’s a reasonable explanation underneath all the vanishing people and fresh corpses. In time, I’ll find it and watch the magic crumble.

Continue reading “Max (of Unfixed, by Amy L Sauder)” →
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Maru Hosokawa (of Ghost Train, by Natalie Jacobsen)

Dear readers, tonight with us is a Samurai’s daughter from the 19th century Meiji era. She is here to speak about encountering ghosts, mysteries, and a kitsune who offers her help in exchange for confronting a demon.

Tell us a little about where you grew up. What was it like there?

I live in the most beautiful city in the world: Kyoto. The homes, teahouses, and shops are all made of wood slats or bamboo and shine in the sunlight, and we have smooth stone streets. I love the willows that drape themselves over the creeks and alleys that are lit by red lanterns. However, lately, Emperor Meiji has taken away from the beauty with his western inventions. There are these ugly…electricity wires running across our sky, and train tracks cutting through our city now. I worry for our future.

Did you have any favourite toys as a child? Any cherished memories?

This is a wonderful question! It takes me back to more blissful days, when my mother was alive and my father was around – at least, when he wasn’t saving lives on duty as a samurai. He had a lot of tasks back then, and so many relied on him for help. But when he was home we would play Hanetsuki, usually under the shade of the trees away from the hot summer sun. We each had a paddle – if we had paints, we’d decorate them – and a small ball with feathers stuck in it, that we would toss between us.

With my friends at school, we sometimes ran with kites to see if we could catch the wind. I loved their bright colors. We’d paint them with figures from folklore or kabuki!

My favorite memories were enjoying each of the seasons in the mountain paths with my parents. We’d bring fruit or rice balls on our walks, and watch the sunset or pick flowers or leaves along the way. Sometimes we’d press them in mother’s poetry books – which I need to find…

What do you do now?

Frankly, I hate my job. I couldn’t ever tell my father though, or I know he would be hurt. I should be grateful for it – being an assistant in a teahouse to a prestigious geisha. Many would kill for a job like mine, with that kind of exposure to her high-level clientele and work with such an esteemed teahouse. But it is a nightmare to me. I know it’s temporary, while my father is rebuilding our wealth as a merchant, ever since being a samurai was outlawed. So we need to make money somehow! But I hate serving the men who get drunk and just want to play games or tell silly stories. They reek, and can be so rude to us. Adakichi, the geisha who runs my teahouse, is so effortlessly patient, but behind closed doors, I sometimes wonder if she is possessed by a demon… she can be so cruel, so easily.

Someday I’d love to do something else, but my destiny is likely to marry and support my family clan. I don’t know what that looks like yet. If only something could change around here, or someone could offer me a chance to do something else; I’d love to be able to help others like my father did for so many years as a samurai… I am a samurai daughter, after all.

What can you tell us about your latest adventure?

I was at one of my favorite festivals, dancing with my friends and enjoying the night of music – it was magic, if I may. But after the festival, I had the strangest encounter. The festival is popular for chasing away demons and yokai, and yet – after the festival – I met a fox. AND IT TALKED! But now stranger things are happening. Emperor Meiji is changing Kyoto every day, and my father hasn’t bene in touch at all since leaving me behind. So I am feeling lonelier than usual, and quite impatient. The fox found me at a strange time in my life, and now I can’t stop seeing…other yokai.

Continue reading “Maru Hosokawa (of Ghost Train, by Natalie Jacobsen)” →
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